If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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