I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My penis needs a shock collar
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
