i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize