so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
