Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
