I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
