i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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