Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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