And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
