Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
