even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
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I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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