Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
