If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I will pee on everything he values.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
