Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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