i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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