Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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