i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
