I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
