I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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