thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did i walk over a car last night?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
