We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
