she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
