Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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