HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
