when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
