I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
