I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
