I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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