I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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