Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
