i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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