what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
