she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
