it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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