We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
