Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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