is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
