That's intense
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
