How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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