HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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