Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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