She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
