The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
