I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
