How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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