My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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