70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you made out with another girl for some wings
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
