"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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