____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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