Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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