The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
