Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
