every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
