Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
