Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
