he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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