I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
