I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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